The majority of girls at Syd's school with tight curls are already using chemicals to straighten their coils. That doesn't stop Syd from showing off her love of big curly hair, though. And nobody at school has ever had a single negative thing to say about it. But when an unexpected rain storm popped up and wreaked havoc on Syd's style, she and I were both nervous.
Here's what happened. Do you remember this twist out style from a couple weeks ago? Well, what I didn't tell you in that post is that it rained that morning. The weather man didn't say it was going to rain. The forecast didn't say it was going to rain. But it rained. And Syd didn't have an umbrella.
When she left the house, she looked like this:
When she came home, she looked like this:
The rain had completely ruined her twist out. And there was still some definition left over, but only in random places. Her hair was stuck somewhere between a style with defined curls and an undefined afro type of style. Either of those styles are loved at our house, but this whole in between look? Not so beloved.
To top this off, Syd's first middle school dance was held that day after school. She said she had pulled it into a low ponytail just for an hour to get it off her neck while she danced.
When she got home, I asked her if anyone at school had said anything about her hair. Surprisingly, she said the only comments she got were POSITIVE ones. (I guess Syd isn't the only one at her school who loves big hair!) But when we went to the store later that night, her frizzy hair received more than one disapproving look from adult women. When we were walking away from the hair products aisle, I even heard one woman tell her daughter (who looked to be around Syd's age and had relaxed hair), "THAT is why you need a relaxer."
It took everything in me to keep walking instead of going back to tell that woman exactly how I felt about her attitude, Syd's hair, and people thinking they HAVE to use chemicals to make their hair look good. But I was the bigger person. Syd hadn't heard her, so even though it stung, I pretended I hadn't heard her either.
Ever since that day, I've thought about how much more judgmental the grown women in the store were than the middle school girls that Syd was around. It was surprising that the adults seem to have more of a "mean girls" attitude than the tweens and teenagers.
What do you think? Have you ever experienced anything like this, either from kids or other adults?
Wow, you are a much better person than me cause I would have probably said something to Des to make sure that woman knew I heard her. LOL, just me though I have lil tolerance for someone making snide remarks. I am glad Syd's friends and classmates are receptive to her and all her hair in whatever state it is in.
ReplyDeleteWOWWWWWWW, that is so ignorant and i hope shes reading this which she probably is not because her daughters hair is chemically altered to be beautiful, while syd's hair is naturally beautiful. it seems to me that most people are closed minded and are not open to others opinion because they have a GOD complex they think they know everything and think they're way is the right way. If people practiced more understanding and more respectful of other people life choices they themselves would be much happier. Im glad Syd did not hear her, it probably would have hurt her feelings. You were the bigger person to ignore her. You are completely happy and comfortable with what God has given you and she's not, so that says a lot!
ReplyDeleteThat is absolutley ridiculous!!!! I hate that we have had a few run in's like this but I havent been as calm as you :\ Syds hair is beautiful and she knows it! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThat is awful, but yes it as also been my experience that adults can be more judgemental and harsh about things than teenagers...these days younger people are more accepting of things...most things..but a lot of the older people still live in their own world, in which it is their way or no way, they are right, everyone and everything else is wrong. I worked in a hair salon for 3 years, you wouldn't believe the things I heard said by "grown" people. So sad, really.
ReplyDeleteyou are so much of a better person than i am because i would have went bananas on that lady! that's so mean!
ReplyDeletesometimes i think adults are so mean spirited because it goes back to what they're taught as a child. that's why it's so hard for some adult women to go natural because all their life they've been told that natural hair is ugly.
i actually don't mind her ruined twist out. i think it's big and fun and i'm glad that Syd loves herself and her hair no matter what her peers may be doing.
That is a shame. I caught myself going into a rant but deleted. Ill leave it at this. Thankfully syd has a m other like you to love embrace her hair.
ReplyDeleteYou know, people can do what they want to their hair, perm it, relax it, go natural, jheri curl whatever... do you. BUT, when they say hurtful things to a CHILD, or make little rude remarks and insensitive comments within earshot of a child ABOUT THE CHILD, that is what really gets to me! We don't all have to agree on how our hair should be, I personally adore Syd's hair, but even if I didn't, IN A MILLION YEARS I would never do what that woman did in the store! We need to be telling these girls how beautiful they are, just as they are, not tearing them down making them think something is wrong with them or their hair. Newsflash, the 'do isn't gonna be perfect every time we set foot outta the house, that's so unrealistic! I wonder about people sometimes, I really do...
ReplyDeleteI think her inbetween style looks great!
ReplyDeleteand yes, kids can be mean sometimes, but where do we think they learn it? Adults aren't just mean, they're Cruel. :'(
~Karli
www.curlyhairdoideas.com
I totally agree w/Goldilocks, the issue isn't that she sadly cannot embrace natural hair, it is that she cut a child down. I have heard similar but usually not so blatantly ugly. The latest was: "are you going to relax your daughter's hair?" innocent enough, but said while shaking her head and obviously insinuating that I "Should"! Nope, we are totally happy with the thick, kinky-curly, beautiful hair God gave us, thank you very much!!! - And in whatever wild, frizzy, rain-drenched state it may show up!
ReplyDeleteWoww Rae! I applaud you for pretending not to hear and continuing to walk. I would have been a lot less graceful! Would have turned around and gave that woman a piece of my mind!! That was downright mean! But there will always be those close-minded people in the world. They just won't go away. So we have to learn to ignore them, because clearly they don't know any better.
ReplyDeleteWHOA!!! I'm sorry you had to deal with that, mami!! I have dealt with that all my life... From my own hair, to my children's hair. With three girls that have THREE DIFFERENT HAIR TEXTURES, adult, dumb, idiotic, ignorant, foolish, cooning women will say some of the RUDEST things towards us and our hair. It would take up so much time to speak on it all... However, I will say this. You did wonderful. I haven't had as much couth in my past experiences!! Her hair looked BEAUTIFUL both ways!! Coming from a family who HATES kinky hair, I can honestly say that me and my babies are the 'black sheeps' of our clan and PROUD OF IT!! Rock on Rae, with your AWESOME self!! <3
ReplyDeleteWoooooowwwwww! I can't believe a grown woman actually told her child that! What if that little girl was looking at Syd's hair because she was jealous of how big and beautiful it is! Lawdhamercy if I EVER hear someone saying something about my daughter's hair. You really are a better woman than me. How does a grown woman pass judgement on a child? That's beyond rude and just not something that should even be conceived as something socially acceptable to do. What is that woman teaching that child about her hair--that it's ugly in it's natural state. So not true! I'm sure that girl would have gorgeous hair, if her mom put as much effort into taking care of her hair as she does with putting relaxers on. Syd's hair looked gorgeous and I'm sure if she though different she would have let you know.
ReplyDeleteI commend you for having the self control that the woman lacked for one. I hate it when people are so judgmental and rude :( At least Syd didn't hear though.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine I wouldn't have said anything at the moment, but would have spent days wishing I had said "this" and "that" :) I agree with Shay - I think for most people it stems from their childhood. Recently I was showing photos of my curly haired daughter to a new friend (who's hair is chemically straightened)and she mentioned appreciation for the styles I do, but then commented that some day, my daughter's hair would get to be "too much" for me to handle and I would need to straighten it (my daughter is only 3). I said "Actually I love doing her hair. I always tell her how beautiful her hair is, and that only people with such amazing curls can do many of these beautiful styles". Her jaw about hit the floor! It's sad that many women grow up being told they have "bad hair", and that it is "too much" to handle.
ReplyDeleteEven sadder that they pass these ugly words on to their children.
What is that woman talking about. Her hair doesn't look bad. And even if she did, how rude is it to comment on someone's hair? You should have jumped on her like a spider monkey and threw water on her hair.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all of your support, ladies. I agree with all of you...no grown woman has any business making nasty comments about ANY child. Ever. Besides, Syd's hair was kind of fluffy that day, but by no means was it unstyled or unkempt and it CERTAINLY isn't in need of a relaxer. But I think I'd better stop writing now. I'm getting all worked up again just thinking about it. LOL
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